Does the church need more men?
How do single Christians feel about the gender imbalance in church? This was one topic we explored in our 2012 research.
The church needs more single men. That was the overwhelming response to the question about the gender imbalance among congregations.
A total of 2,362 people revealed their feelings about the church having more women than men. Lack of role models, the perceived “feminisation” of the church and worship were cited as factors deterring single Christian men.
Respondents made a wide range of suggestions for how to get more men into the church. But there were also ideas of support for – and teaching about – dating, forming relationships and how to encourage women who may never marry.
In general, there are more women in the Church than men.
How do you feel about this?
Lack of men impoverishes the church
Some respondents were more concerned that the gender imbalance would impoverish the life of the church than on how it would affect opportunities for marriage. There was also concern that the lack of men in the church itself leads to fewer men being interested in attending.
'I'm concerned, but not because it lessens my chance of finding a husband – it means that for some or many reasons the church isn't relevant or speaking to the men in our society.'
This impoverishment focused on three areas.
1. The lack of role models
2. The contribution that they can make to the life of the church
3. Society needs Christian men
'I find it more concerning because there needs to be strong male role models in the Church, to then support and encourage other young men in their faith.
'Bad news for society as a whole, which would be healthier with more committed Christian men.' /// If church is largely seen by men as irrelevant, this is a far more tragic issue for God's world, and all humanity.
Results and repercussions of the gender imbalance
Respondents felt the gender imbalance affects the behaviour and relationships between men and women in the church, and is are reflected in various patterns:
Competition for men in many churches
Women say that men have too much choice
Men wonder why they cannot find someone
It's hard to make friends with members of the opposite sex
Single women are perceived as threats to married couples
Competition for men in many churches
In many churches women felt that there appeared to be competition for men. Respondents felt this caused various issues in the church:
A role reversal in dating – women chasing men, rather than the other way round.
Friends may be lost as they turn into competitors.
Both women and men said that men can back off, be fearful of being 'pounced upon' and get concerned that every interaction is seen to be too significant.
Some felt that men get “better” than they deserve because of the competition
Women assuming at a young age that they will remain single
Some choose to look for non-Christian husbands (both because of the number and kind of men available). Others accept that the situation is hopeless and assume at a much younger age than non-Church attendees that they will be single.
Christian women appear to make major life decisions which assume they are likely to remain single at a much younger age than non-Christian women (e.g. becoming a missionary, adopting a child).
Women say that men have too much choice
Women responding to our survey said that the men have great choice, and are picky, indecisive, and play the field without sufficiently valuing single women.
'Sometimes it feels as though the guys have too much choice so then they don’t make any choice! They are always waiting for someone better to come along, that elusive perfect person. And they can because chances are they probably will
Men wonder why they cannot find someone
Men, on the other hand, were more reflective in wondering what was wrong with them. If the odds were in their favour, then why were they single? It made some feel “even more depressed”.
'I think that there is seen to be more women creates expectations that are unhelpful. Men are given an expectation that they will find someone and are therefore finding it more difficult if they don't.'
Several noted how the situation hardens women’s hearts to the chance that they will meet someone, so that dating becomes more unlikely and singleness more accepted and so on.
It's hard to make friends with members of the opposite sex
One of the more common queries was how to be friends with the opposite gender when they were single, without everyone thinking this initiated a relationship, thereby threatening others around or leading married people in the church trying to match-make.
'As someone who has always had male friends outside of Church, regardless of my marital status, I miss male friends.'
'The church/people still don't get that you can be good friends with a man and not feel any desire to date/marry him.'
Single women are perceived as threats to married couples
However the situation was reported as equally bad when trying to make friends with married people. In particular, married men seem very fearful to talk to single women, even though they might be the only male role model around to discuss things with.
‘I once made the mistake of sitting next to a married man at a social, within moments he and his wife had moved.’
How the imbalance can be improved
Ideas for addressing and improving the gender imbalance situation ranged widely, covering the church, singles and men.
Outreach to men
Supporting men in church
Singles meeting
Spiritual guidance for women
Outreach to men
Outreach to men was reported as more limited than for women. Women were more out and about in the local community, and outreach was often aimed at more stereotypically female spaces, such as toddler groups or at the school gates. Opportunities were also more female-friendly, e.g. “sitting and talking” events rather than activities.
Ideas for getting more men in church included presenting the gospel as more challenging than comforting, getting famous Christian man talking openly, Alpha in pubs, and asking married women what would bring their husbands to church.
Supporting men in church
Men need other men in church and good role models
More worship and activities appropriate to men
Sports and activities
Acknowledge the contributions men make behind the scenes of church (e.g. practical tasks)
Events with speakers (although avoid curry nights and breakfast meetings).
Singles meeting
More local churches coming together around singles. More singles social networking, conferences and events, with equal numbers.
Support dating and how to date, teach appropriate behaviour. In addition to all the explicit and implicit issues arising from the comments above.
Spiritual guidance for women
Although the question about what should be done was answered by most addressing how to get more men into church, there were several who came back to supporting women who wanted to marry but who could not do so.
'Most of my single Christian female friends and I anticipate that we will be single and childless for life as a direct result of the lack of single men in the church. We are offered no support by the church to manage our situation – in fact it is not even acknowledged or recognised as an issue the church needs to address.
The gender imbalance isn’t true of all churches
There are more women than men in the church, but this isn’t true in all churches. 14% of respondents commented that it wasn't true in their local church.
Several pointed out that this was not only an imbalance seen in the Church. It was also seen in many other organisations that were voluntary, for example, attending adult education and committees, such as for schools or the local community.
Others asserted that this was true historically from the earliest days of the Church. This is in contrast to the synagogue and probably reflected the women-friendly gospel of Jesus when compared to other Jewish teaching.
'I think this is true of certain evangelically-directed churches but in traditional Anglican churches the ratio is most definitely the reverse of what you state! My church is full of young single men.'
More from the research
Our 2012 Research - what do single Christians think about church?