Ending well as a single Christian
What happens when single Christians pass on? Single Friendly Church Network ran a survey on the tricky issue of how a single member’s life is honoured after their passing, and what churches can do to help single people plan for this.
The topic raised lots of issues but also many positive suggestions. Over 50% of respondents shared that their churches don’t offer any practical help in this area, showing a real need for more resources on planning for end of life. We are currently working on a resource to help churches and individuals tackle this issue in a loving and practical way.
If your church has a helpful approach, please do get in touch.
What happens when single Christians pass on?
When single Christians pass away, their friends usually hope to be able mourn them by being part of a Christian funeral honouring their life, faith and friendship.
But friends can be in for a rude awakening. It is usually the family who are given responsibility for the funeral. They may not have been very close to the person who died, or unaware or uninterested in their life of faith. A private ceremony with little or no Church input – sometimes with only immediate family present – can often be the result. The faith ‘family’ and close Christian friends can find themselves shut out – attending a ceremony which does not celebrate the Christian life and journey of their friend who has died, or perhaps they are not even invited.
What practical and spiritual support is available?
In our recent survey, nearly 100 single Christians shared their thoughts and experiences from their own churches.
Only 8.4% of respondents said their churches helped members think and plan spiritually and practically for the end of their earthly lives. 14.5% said some advice was given, but they could do more, and over half told us their churches don’t offer any support on this topic at all.
On single people specifically, over 60% of churches offered no assistance for singles in planning their funeral arrangements. Only 4.8% of respondents could confidently say their church had support available for singles, with 35% unsure of how their church could help them.
“You do bring to light this subject, which I think many Christian singles haven’t even thought about, including me.”
Single Christians share their thoughts
Many respondents were eager to share their own experiences with us:
Pat told us, “Some years ago I attended a humanist funeral for my friend and neighbour who was a lovely Christian. I was horrified at how cold and impersonal it was. At the end ‘All things bright and beautiful’ was played as I had told the family it was her favourite hymn. There was no acknowledgment of her Christian faith and the family did not involve the church.”
Others spoke of situations where friends and church family weren’t informed about the funeral – or even of their friend’s passing.
One contributor was “very sad that the family of a good friend organised a direct cremation with no ceremony or fuss despite the friend being a devout churchgoer. They denied us the chance to say goodbye and give her a fitting ceremony reflecting her amazing faith. They just weren’t interested”.
Alison was upbeat about her experience: “I am estranged from my only sister and her adult children. I am very fortunate as friends have stepped in as next of kin and have Power of Attorney and I have given them details of my funeral plan. I have paid for it in advance and planned my funeral service in the hope to lighten their load.”
A loving and practical response
As part of the survey we also asked for positive suggestions on how churches could handle this delicate issue – and we were delighted to receive many contributions.
Lou suggested that churches should “encourage singles who have no nearby relatives to consider providing details to someone at church of their next of kin contact details, and to share with their next of kin their funeral wishes”.
Pat wanted churches to “speak to people of all ages. Arrange workshops on planning. Make sure end of life issues are discussed generally as part of Christian life.”
Danielle agreed. “Talk about it! Talk about options – living funerals. Do you plan the service yourself before you die? Give people options of what is possible. I’d hate for people to wear black at my funeral. I’ve never had a wedding or baby shower etc so I want people to wear nice clothes / bright colours. Maybe even a fascinator!”
Alison made a more general point. She said, “Generally speaking, I think we need to be talking more about death. And have more spaces, in church, where the nitty gritty of these end-of-life matters can be shared.”
If you have experiences or thoughts about these issues we would love to hear from you, especially if your church has a loving and helpful approach to discussing end of life. Please get in touch with us.
Single Friendly Church Network is currently developing resources based on these survey findings, scheduled for January 2025.