“I want to visit another church”
Church leaders may be surprised to learn that it’s common for people to attend more than one church. Here’s why it may be a good thing – for the individual and for your congregation.
How would you react if you learned that members of your congregation were also attending services elsewhere? Would you see it as a negative comment on your leadership? Would you be fearful that they’ll leave your church for another? Or would you view it as a positive thing that could benefit the individual’s walk with God, and in fact be good for your church?
Many Christians attend more than one church – for instance, a morning service at one, and an evening or midweek service at another. Anecdotal evidence suggests it’s more common among singles (although people of any relationship status may do this).
Some people report feeling guilty or disloyal about this and visit other churches discreetly. Others have no such qualms about enjoying the benefits of what different Christian communities or traditions have to offer, and do so openly and without any negative reaction from their churches.
“I have a group of single ladies with whom I go for walks, and twice a year we visit another church for singles events, which provide teaching, assurance, worship and fun. My leaders don’t know I visit another church – I do feel a sense of betrayal, although it’s not logical.” – Irene
Why do people attend a second church?
Many Christians have a strong loyalty to their church, but also feel the need for more (or something different) in ministry, worship style and teaching, in order to thrive in their faith. No church can be all things to all people, so visiting another church need not be taken as a threat. It can allow individuals to gain from a breadth of Christian experience. It can also benefit churches, as people pick up and share good ideas from other faith communities.
In the case of single Christians, they may attend a second church for a number of reasons. They may seek out one that offers ministries and events specifically aimed at single people – in the same way that parents look for a church that has good children’s work or youth ministry. People may also visit a second church for a different style of worship, such as quiet, reflective contemplation if their usual church tends to be loud and exuberant (or vice versa); or to access teaching from another perspective (this is relevant to both single and married people).
If there aren’t many singles at their church, people may feel isolated in a sea of families. Visiting a larger church can offer opportunities to meet others in the same situation, who they can relate to, and with whom they can share fellowship and learn how to live well as a solo Christian.
“In many congregations you’re very much reminded of the fact that you are single. I go to one church for the good Biblical teaching, and another to find people who are friendly and inclusive.”
Visiting other churches is also a way for people to broaden their social circles and meet potential marriage partners. This is a sensible choice if they want to marry a fellow believer, but find few suitable prospects in their own congregation. Leaders should encourage this – not least because marrying another Christian means people are more likely to remain within the church and raise their children there.
If members feel able to visit other churches without guilt – and even with encouragement – they may be more likely to remain in a congregation, rather than feeling they have to make a choice. This can strengthen the individual’s faith, and benefit the whole community. So we encourage church leaders not to react negatively if members attend a second church, or make them feel they can’t return or must choose between churches.
“Sometimes you need more than one church. My main church has a good pastor and great teaching – but at the same time, I feel out of place because there’s no one in my age group to interact with, which is important when you’re single. Although people are friendly and nice, they’re all older than me (I’m in my 30s) and I don’t have much in common with them, so I go to another church mid-week, where there are people like me.” – John
‘There’s nothing wrong with two loyalties’
“At a recent event, I met a woman who is still attending the family church where she grew up,” explains Jackie Elton, founder of Single Friendly Church Network and Christian Connection. “There were no other young people in her congregation, she wasn’t thriving spiritually, and she wasn’t meeting any other single Christians. Yet she felt that to move to another church, or even visit one, would be disloyal and attract disapproval.
“I’m personally very involved in my local church, and I want to continue serving there and helping to maintain it as a valuable resource for local people. But spiritually I need more, so I visit another, larger church, where I enjoy worship that lifts me up and good teaching. We need different things from church at different times in our lives, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
“I know leaders who are very relaxed about people also attending other churches and finding God in different places, without feeling the need protect their position or control their congregation. As human beings, we often need a variety of experiences – it’s better than getting stale, bored and resentful. Trying different churches can also help people better appreciate the good aspects of their own church.”
“I’m part of three faith communities and it’s great – so many networks of friends and fellow pilgrims. Those communities are also enriched by it, as I can help share good ideas. I’d say if you are single, try it.”